Rubia Tonta

"There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there"

 Albert Einstein

I'm not too sure how this blonde is managing to take any plane anywhere but I'm very grateful I am and I have a ticket to Ecuador to prove it.  I guess that makes this a South American Dumb Blonde Adventure and me Dumb Blonde Consuela. 

The name Consuelo means solace, hope and consolation, in the English speaking world it gets misspelled as Consuela.  At least if I start with poor orthography the Spanish speaking world will have forewarning of my verbal assaults on their language.   

Mi excusa?  I learnt German and French at school, the need to speak Spanish only occurred as a more mature student.  My aging cerebral sponge has been soaked more by cervezas than Catalonian culture.  So driving around blasting Rosetta Stone through the minivan speakers at school pickup isn't exactly setting me up for a fluent future.  Although several people have raised an eyebrow as I wish  Senor Garcia a "buen dia" and check if he has a "hotel con una vista".  Unintended innuendo is lost on imaginary friends.

However, in defense of my poor communication skills, I no longer suffer teenage self conscious angst when trying out the few words I do retain. Desperate to impress even a couple of the 400 million native Espanol speakers in the world, I use over exaggerated hand gesticulation to inject enthusiasm into the conversation rather than knowledge.  Unfortunately a huge smile and big double thumbs up didn't really help at a Mexican restaurant when I sent my compliments to the "cocino" (fat pig).

In that moment, I abashedly blushed my way into promising myself I would only return to said Mexican establishment incognito, with perhaps a different hair color and more refined hand action.  

"I have to be seen to be believed" 

Queen Elizabeth II

Hiding behind disguise truly liberates you from the preconceptions of many things including hair color.  Perhaps it really is my flaxen Germanic locks holding me back from that higher plane of understanding?  

I once met a brunette American woman in Buenos Aires, who confessed (after a glass of champagne) she was really blonde.  Staring out at me from under her dark brown fringe she earnestly explained her logic.  The South Americans understood her verbal Spanish far better as a dark haired foreigner.  I fear there is little hope for Consuela?  

Yet our band of blonde explorers plans to set forth regardless.  Voyaging over 3600 miles from Santa Barbara, California to a tiny fishing village on the coast of Ecuador.  Ecua-where?  About the size of the UK, with 15 million people, Ecuador is flanked by Columbia in the North and Peru to the south and east.  We hope to: touch down to the welcoming embrace of old friends and new, surf the warm equatorial point breaks and be marooned in the Pacific for a while - 600 miles offshore on the Galapogos Islands.

I trust our flights will be slightly more comfortable than Mr Darwin's arrival in 1835 on board the 90 foot sailing ship, the H.M.S. Beagle.  This incredibly bio-diverse region inspired his book "On the Origin of Species".   Hopefully, the next few months of the home schooling experience won't inspire "The End of Times".  

"Do not fear going forward slowly; 
fear only standing still." 
Chinese proverb 

Life is short and the destination list long, follow the enlightenment of your own star.   The only problem is that our guiding light is flashing between hemispheres.  We first stop in Ecuador for 3 months, then onto England, before heading back to Australia in June.  It is a testament to my blunderlust that we have managed to contrive a perfectly sane family to pack up life and roam the planet again.   How did I convince 2 intelligent kids to enroll into homeschool once more?  Especially considering "Yours truly" is the Math and Science department, Greggie is English and Social studies tutor, Espanol will have to be by osmosis.  Second time around it was far easier to persuade them into a traveling education.  In confession, the baksheesh motivation was a repositioning cruise across the Atlantic.  Its amazing what a Royal Caribbean boat sailing from Miami to Southampton, UK can achieve.  Did I mention the ice skating rink, water slides and crazy golf?  But enough of ocean going vessels, I get ahead of myself.  I must first dream of flying the friendly skies as a rubia inteligente. 

On a flight down to Ecuador a blonde is seated next a lawyer.  The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, politely declines and closes her eyes to get some rest. The lawyer persists and explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." She agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Silently the blonde reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is well miffed, begs the blonde for the answer.  Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.